At the age of 12, I tried to slit my wrists with a disposable razor. It was right around the time I started my first period. That was the first of many suicide attempts in my life. Every few years I would end up at the bottom of the same spiral. After each attempt, I woke up with dread and called my mom crying.
Now, 43 years old, I am disabled by mental illness. I know now that I am full-fledged crazy. The kind of crazy that makes people homeless and happier outside than stuck in a studio apartment alone. I don’t know what happened for about 4 years of my adult life. I was psychotic, experiencing auditory hallucinations but not comprehending that this is what was happening, and on the cycle of a brain with a mood disorder.
For the last three years I have been stable on medication with no symptoms of mental illness. I looked for a part-time job for a couple of months when I realized I wanted to go back to my own skill set, my talent, my heart’s work: craniosacral therapy. Meeting people now and marketing my private practice, I’ve been embarrassed or awkward when asked what I’ve been doing for the past ten years. That is the catalyst for my decision to come out as mentally ill. Mental illness is in the news so much right now and at the center of great debates. There is so much press, much needed, about gun control in the aftermath of mass shootings.
My last suicide attempt occurred when I was 24 years old. Craniosacral therapy healed me a great deal. My illness is serious enough, and was progressing, that I will have to be on psychiatric medications for the rest of my life. But craniosacral therapy continues to release trauma and restrictions in my tissues, freeing my body to move easier and my mind to relax.